Now I sit on a chair uncomfortably. My room is unlit except for my laptop’s glowing monitor and I can’t help but notice the hue of the sky; with every turn of the earth, it changes. I sat in silence hoping this would make me feel something, praying this would be an answer.
Please, please, please.
Without looking up directly at the horizon, I felt that slightly embarrassing moment before you realize something. Of course, it wasn’t the universe’s response to my cry. If anything, it was just the sun bidding goodbye to the people who seem too preoccupied to care.
But it was beautiful, the sun’s goodbye. I’ve seen the sun set countless times yet I never felt this odd, almost panicking, reaction to dusk. “I must not miss the blues and reds,” says the voice inside my head. In that moment, there was an infinitesimal enticement to the gradual absence of color. On how in the beginning the sky looked like a blushing girl experiencing true love’s kiss for the first time, with orange and red and pink painted on her cheeks. And it lasted throughout her way home. She walked reliving five seconds of her life she’ll be keeping forever. Rewinding a second before it ends, that moment when locked lips untangle and you’re left with the taste of his mouth lingering still on yours. Like a part of him will be swallowed when you do and it will make its way to your heart through the tiny vessels keeping you alive. You feel him, this person who changed you, who woke your raging hormones from their deep slumber, rushing through your veins with every pump your heart makes. There is comfort in that moment and that is enough.
It is now dark and I still have no answers.