FINALES

So Emily Owens, MD ended tonight with a ridiculous episode. Fuck CW. I should stop following shows that will eventually run my heart over with ten wheeler trucks. (LOOKING AT YOU, DOCTOR WHO AND HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER!) If you’re a follower of the show and you haven’t seen the finale, stop right now because I’m going to spill shit all over the place and it’s going to be full on nasty. Trust me on this.

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SO. Everything was smooth sailing until Cassandra and fucking Will broke up. I mean, I saw this coming, Will pursuing Emily because he made a terrible, terrible decision hooking up with Cassandra and shit BUT. WHAT. THE. FLYING. FUCK. JENNIE. URMAN.

Clearly, the whole point of this Will character is to depict the obvious that Will is that one person in your life you spent an obscure amount of time going after but never got. I like to call people like Will demons but that’s just me. Emily wasn’t supposed to sleep with him following a ludicrous confession that he sort of chose her and not fucking Cassandra after all. It’s not fair to the people who have been battling their Wills all their lives. (I am making this about me this early so… whatever.)

The last line of the episode says it all, “If you don’t think things through, you’re screwed.” Well, Emily, you didn’t think things through and so you fucked your best friend. You took a fucking suicide leap. Not cool, man. NOT. COOL.

C’est la vie, the netizens say but what you guys don’t understand is this: suicide leaps happen in real life, but the reason behind high television show ratings is because people want to disengage and live in an alternate universe where problems get solved, if not by the episode’s end, then before the season concludes.

What happens now? I don’t know. My ship got totally wrecked. Dr. Bandari never returned from her vacation, Micah’s Mom is stuck with pancreatic cancer (nobody knows if she’ll survive), Will is a fucking douchebag still, and Cassandra never got the ending she deserves.

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The T.V. show is over so I’m going to suck it up like I do when my relationships end.

PS I WANT TO CUT A BITCH. I’M SO SAD.

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