Bad day. I feel so small, insignificant and unwanted for being left by people I really care about. Constantly playing with my “why-not-me” philosophy as Sara Bareilles call it. Emotional eating with mushy movies are not to be asked. Oreos are my best friends these days.
But, yeah, although now i’m glum, I’ll get over it. Because there’s this guy named Finn Butler, and here’s what he said:
I know the heart is a heavy thing
and if today you managed to lift it
a few inches off the ground,
I am proud.
You need to understand that there are no turning points.
Your life is not a movie and your fears will not disappear
as soon as someone loves you back. There are only moments
when the glimmer of light you are chasing seems closer than the darkness that is always chasing you but in these moments
every single thing has been worth it.
And I know sometimes you only want it over, this never ending war
but the battle raging within ourselves is the only one worth fighting.
I do not believe in much, but of that-
of that I am sure.
In spite of it all be a force for good wherever you can. Every smile
to a stranger is a little victory. So smile now.
You are alive.
And please understand that victory
is not a sunrise to the zenith
victory is getting out of bed
and finding for the first time in weeks you are not so afraid.
Trust your gut, or whatever part of your life you believe in the most.
The only decisions I regret are the ones I didn’t really make myself.
Hope and wishful thinking are two different things, and only
one is going to hurt you. The other is something to cling to
with everything you have, and never lose sight of.
Sometimes love is tenderness. Sometimes love is flowers and sometimes
love is a small patch of soil and a packet of seeds.
Love is never someone telling you how hopelessly broken you are
and telling you it’s good.
Remember the tides rise and fall and never meet but the sea
goes on looking for itself on the other side of the world. Even the sea has hope
and it’s the biggest damn being on Earth.
Remember time is a concept that humans created and clocks may stop ticking but reality never runs out.
Your chances are endless.
Remember every step back is another step you know how to take forward.
Nothing’s ever wasted.
The last thing to remember is that however much they take
from you, your demons will never be satisfied. And I know this is a terrifying thought
but it also means they are always fighting a losing battle.
However long the war goes on, there is only one possible winner
and the winner is you.
The poem is called “What I Wish I’d Known Five Years Ago.” It’s a beauty, innit?