This week’s Monday poem is called I’ve Been Letting Go of Things Just to Hear Them Break by Kristina Haynes.
I want this to hurt, so I go home
and lay down and count how many times
he stares at my mouth when I wear lipstick.
When I don’t. I mark my calendar,
circle the important dates.
Let him cradle my name in his mouth
like scripture and do not tell him to stop.
Because I need to work on my alone,
I have made sure that I know
what it looks like when he walks
away from me. Sometimes, I wonder
how anyone can look at me and not see
how lit up I am with longing.
I touch the places on my body that ache
and try to rename them. How do I train
my heart to heel like a good dog?
None of this is love but there are days
where I miss him so much that the blood
is pumping good and strong in my legs.
I do not want to stay except to stay.