The First Step

The last time I was here I sounded like a whiny bitch. Nothing wrong with that because that happens in real life more times than you could ever fathom.

So on top of that I have also been so fucking lost. I think I got a bad case of Yes I Can Be A Content Creator bug and shit got so real and I wasn’t equipped for it. Things got out of hand and well I lost track of everything I should be tracking blah blah blah.

The rest of the year has been really bumpy and unstable almost to the point of me letting myself down. Can you imagine? My standards are so low. How could I ever disappoint myself. But anyway, that really happened and it was not pretty.

I have been on a journaling/blogging hiatus because I don’t know what to write anymore. This is the first time I felt really good about being totally honest with myself (and the internet). I did have a problem and it is not even close to being fixed but I am trying.

The first step is admitting I have a problem. Yes, just like what they do on AA meetings.

During my unintentional mental health break, I realized–and this is what got me into doing this thing in the first place–that I have been collecting little victories throughout the year. I stopped drinking and I am fully committed to it. I replaced coffee with tea. I laid low on stuffing my face with so much food because I had a medical condition and the habit stuck. I let go of dead weight people that clutters my brain with feelings I long ago should have forgotten. No matter how I’m feeling I get up, get dressed, and show up.

Now I’m on my third day of being nicotine free. It’s so difficult. I’ve quit and backslided many times before but this is really something I am putting my mind and heart into. Maybe this is the distraction I have been asking the universe for.

And you know what, this is just the first step. I am more focused and there’s this thing I have been meaning to do (which I’ll tell you all about later…ish) and I’m so close to doing just that.I have so many things in my mind but I’ve never been this clear-headed before.  I think it’s the nicotine-free blood in my veins.

And look, I’m journaling again! That’s a good sign. I think?

Am I getting too old for feelings?

Hey pal it’s me, your old friend from the internet! Thought you’d seen the last of me, huh? Well, this might be the last. I’m not quite sure yet myself.

The good news is I’ve completed this year’s reading challenge ahead of schedule. I know! I’m so excited to share this bit of information with y’all but then I remembered I’m not even present here anymore, ha.

So the bad news is I feel like I am getting old for blogging and feelings. I just want to be an old lady reading book after book after book. I’m also starting to have a life outside the internet. Who would have thought?

Even my beauty blog has been temporarily abandoned because to be quite honest, I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

I guess the problems start when I draft a post–just like this one I’m writing now (at work, shush it!)–and then losing interest in the middle of writing it and POOF! Move to Trash! But I’m not going to do it with this one. I’m pretty sure this sucked major ass but whatever I can live with a couple of nonsense posts in this blog.

So. What have you been up to?

rainbow rowell landline

Time-Out

As I have pointed out in this post 3 days ago, I am on a Melina Marchetta week/month. I am done  rereading On the Jellicoe Road and I am happy to report that the impact is the same. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that nothing changed. I still wept like a baby. I love this book so much. I don’t think that will change as well.

rainbow rowell landline

I’m taking a short break from the Melina Marchetta madness so I can read Rainbow Rowell’s latest novel, Landline. I had a semi-panic attack this afternoon when I heard that local bookstores are already selling copies of it-the official release in the US is dated July 8th-and immediately tracked one close to where I live. Rainbow Rowell is a fangirl and I’ll forever look forward to reading her books. Heck, I’ll even gladly read her grocery list.

Tartt’s The Goldfinch can wait until after I’m done with MMM. I read several 160-character reviews of The Goldfinch on Twitter and some say it’s a difficult read. I was able to read a few pages while waiting at the check out counter and I have to say, it’s quite interesting. I guess it gets tougher as the plot thickens?

It’s only Wednesday but I’m already dreaming of the weekend tucked in bed with a book in my hands and a cup of tea on my bedside table. How are you guys holding up?

 

Things I’ve Been Working On

Hello, internet. It’s been a while, I know, and I’ve got so many stories to tell you. I’m typing this in the office (sssh, don’t rat me out!) because I cannot bottle up my excitement any longer.

Remember when I told you that nothing’s been going on in my life? Well, now there’s a bunch of projects I have dedicated my time to. Busy is good, is what I tell myself everyday because it is.

I’m back at the workforce, (un)fortunately. I guess I did some things wrong the last time I had a day job. That’s the only reason why I lost track, why I got bored. I had several months off anything so I kind of feel like things are looking up for me.
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Art Installations of You and Me by Chrissie White

Befuddling

I don’t know when or how it exactly happened but I cowered so much since I left my old job. I am in between jobs for almost three months now and for some this isn’t be a lot of unemployment time. To me it kind of is. And the worse part is that I haven’t been using my time wisely.

The slump isn’t over, is what I’m getting at and I’m not even fully convinced that that’s what’s really happening. Sure, there will be a little whine here and there, several beauty-related posts uploaded in my little corner of the Internet, but those are also considered not using time wisely. I am not even seen here or everywhere else.

For a while now I have been having thoughts that I don’t feel safe here anymore. Is that weird? I see the stats page and I am overwhelmed by the traffic this blog has been getting and thought my vulnerability is at risk or something? I guess I should be happy – a tiny part of me is, it’s just that what if someone I look up to (or worse, someone I really like) stumbled upon a stupid entry I wrote a million years ago about a boy who left me for nothing and thought I’m some kind of highly functional distressed woman?

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Staycation At City Garden Suites

Hey, how’s it going? I feel like apologies are in order but first let me tell you about my staycation at City Garden Suites in Manila with my homegirl PM. Prior to this pajama party(!), PM and I have arranged to hang out several times but plans fizzled because of so many things like work but since I left my job, I have plenty of time in my hands.

City Garden Suites in Ermita, Manila is just a hundred and fifty peso cab ride from Makati. Mind you, it was a Friday and we checked in late because we had a little detour situation lol.

When we got there, we were assisted by the friendliest staff I have ever encountered. And trust me I’ve been to hotels in the Philippines where staff are snotty to locals just because. Anyway, they were pretty amazing.

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