orange is the new black

Casual Consumption

I first saw Casual Consumption on Carina’s blog, Nothing Spaces, and since I watch television a lot, I thought maybe I can also do it here. I haven’t posted about any of the shows I am following and figured this is the perfect entry for that.

awkward mtv

Awkward.
It’s the show I keep watching even if it means sitting through so much unnecessary drama. At one point it got so pointless that I thought of letting go of it despite my inexplainable attraction to my girl Valerie. They also got rid of the almighty Ming Huang, the only Asian character in the show. Boo!

The new season also shifted in terms of character development. Tamara became this stereotypical crazy ex-girlfriend who catfishes her ex-boyfriend and reeks of so much bitterness causing the feminists of Tumblr to rage rant after every freaking episode. I wasn’t keen on it, too but girl got her momentum later on.

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Serious Scrubbing

I rarely Google myself because 1) that sounds egocentric and 2) it feels pointless. When I woman-ed up and thought about going on a different direction with this blog, I did a Google search on myself and found a dirty trail of sad, shameless, and distasteful me all over the internet.

It was a very unpleasant cringe-fest at 5 in the morning and it  kept getting cruddier as I scroll backwards. The things I posted on secret journals where I remained anonymous weren’t even on that results page. Imagine the horror of reading my old LJ entries – whiny, sad, poor vocabulary, aimless.

So I did some serious scrubbing. I started here and I’ll get to the outrageous ones in the coming days.

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The Do-Over

Itching to write a post at 6 am (I haven’t slept) feels like my brain is running on an extremely high dosage of Ritalin. This is also the most excited I have been in months (maybe a year but who’s counting?). I feel like I started my sophomore year running this blog all wrong; I apologize for the unnecessary darkness and so I am here for the do-over.

The thing is, and to put it simply I’m going to borrow a sentence from the beautiful, harrowing essay by Brittany Julious, my true quarter-life crisis is right now.

The past four years have been extremely difficult for me. I was immensely preoccupied with my then nursing job (and later on my 9 to 6 corporate job) and was badly scarred in battle by the monstrosity that is real life that I unconsciously put my aspirations in life in the back burner and halted a future I envisioned myself to have.

I wanted to be an adult adult fast. The kind that has her shit together. The one with a Plan B. With investments. With stability. And a fraction of why I decided to want this adult version of me is driven by fear. The world has this grand idea that when you’re 25 you’re supposed to have great things and achieve a crapton of somethings. That’s frightening for me because I barely have anything right now.

I eventually stopped dreaming altogether. And that’s usually the sign, the symptom that the person has given up on life. And I realized that it’s so early for me to call it quits. I believe I have a few good fights left in me. I shouldn’t sabotage my future just because I stumbled upon a few dead ends.

I’m still trying to figure things out now. I’m starting from scratch. I always remind myself to dream. To want great things without compromising what I planned for myself when I was starting out as a young adult. At least now I kinda have something to hold on to. I’m trying and that’s good.

TL; DR version
The bad news: I’m in a rut.
The good news: This is not how my story ends.

If I sound like a self-help book then my work here is sort of done (we’ll get to the lists, to the happy place, promise). I want to help myself and I’m starting now.

Wanderland Music & Arts Festival 2014

Last Saturday I went to Wanderland Music & Arts Festival 2014 held at the Globe Circuit Grounds Makati. I was with my good friend, Karla, and it was equal parts enjoyable and exhausting.

lucy rose

We got there just in time for Lucy Rose‘s set and it was magical but the heat, oh god, the heat was making it difficult for me to enjoy the event. It felt like a million degrees out and we didn’t even get there early (it was like 5 pm or something). Some people were there before the whole thing started. Anyway, Lucy Rose was awesome and I instantly became a fan because her voice is as soothing as mango thick shake and belly rubs and cotton candy. Heh.

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Art Installations of You and Me by Chrissie White

Befuddling

I don’t know when or how it exactly happened but I cowered so much since I left my old job. I am in between jobs for almost three months now and for some this isn’t be a lot of unemployment time. To me it kind of is. And the worse part is that I haven’t been using my time wisely.

The slump isn’t over, is what I’m getting at and I’m not even fully convinced that that’s what’s really happening. Sure, there will be a little whine here and there, several beauty-related posts uploaded in my little corner of the Internet, but those are also considered not using time wisely. I am not even seen here or everywhere else.

For a while now I have been having thoughts that I don’t feel safe here anymore. Is that weird? I see the stats page and I am overwhelmed by the traffic this blog has been getting and thought my vulnerability is at risk or something? I guess I should be happy – a tiny part of me is, it’s just that what if someone I look up to (or worse, someone I really like) stumbled upon a stupid entry I wrote a million years ago about a boy who left me for nothing and thought I’m some kind of highly functional distressed woman?

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Monday Poems: Today Means Amen

It has been a while since I published a Monday Poem and it has been a while since I wrote here. It has been bad and so personal that writing about it here makes me feel guilty and ashamed. I think that was my lowest but I never know with myself.

Anyway the storm had passed but I don’t know how long until the next grey cloud follows me everywhere again. For now, here is one of my favorite poets, Sierra DeMulder. This week’s poem is called Today Means Amen.

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Staycation At City Garden Suites

Hey, how’s it going? I feel like apologies are in order but first let me tell you about my staycation at City Garden Suites in Manila with my homegirl PM. Prior to this pajama party(!), PM and I have arranged to hang out several times but plans fizzled because of so many things like work but since I left my job, I have plenty of time in my hands.

City Garden Suites in Ermita, Manila is just a hundred and fifty peso cab ride from Makati. Mind you, it was a Friday and we checked in late because we had a little detour situation lol.

When we got there, we were assisted by the friendliest staff I have ever encountered. And trust me I’ve been to hotels in the Philippines where staff are snotty to locals just because. Anyway, they were pretty amazing.

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My Mad Fat Diary Series 2 [Spoilers]

Okay, so maybe I was in a slump after seeing The National live. I also tendered my resignation a week ago so I’ve been pretty comfortable the past week to the point of not showering (shhh) for a day. I’m gross and that’s okay! But after seeing that Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode about getting over a slump, I decided to write short book reviews (see previous posts :P) and here I am facing my fear and I know I am going to write about it soon so why prolong my agony – My Mad Fat Diary Series 2.

cool as fuck

Waiting for series 2 is equal parts painful and exciting. Since last season they left us barely anything, I wished for more Rae x Finn. Continue reading

the catastrophic history of you and me

The Catastrophic History of You and Me

Today I offer you another book I finished in one sitting or lying (what, I was in bed and it was 10 pm) – Jess Rothenberg’s The Catastrophic History of You and Me.

the catastrophic history of you and me

Image courtesy of Goodreads

To be honest, I am not drawn to the cover as it is a bit too tacky for my liking. What happened to the likes of This Song Will Save Your Life?

However, the plot description kind of did it for me. A fifteen-year-old girl, Brie, died literally of a broken heart after her boyfriend broke up with her and she wakes up in the afterlife utterly clueless what’s going to happen next. She gets help from one of the dead and gone, Patrick, who looks like Tom Cruise circa Top Gun and from there, everything gets interesting and weird. Interestingly weird, anyone? Continue reading